The New Green Acres

Friday Night Lights
May 11, 2010, 7:18 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Our cul-de-sac here in Roseburg is not quite the cul-de-sac I grew up on in the suburbs. I had dreams of neighbors greeting us with cookie platters, the women all becoming friends and drinking wine in the afternoon, and our kids playing in front with each other. My dreams quickly faded as we didn’t even barely get a wave when we moved in. Now, there is a weight of curiosity that looms upon Chris and I regarding our mysterious neighbors. We keep watch and create stories for what we think to be their life. No- we are not creepy – just normal cul-de-sac dwellers.

Last weekend, we got the most action. No cul-de-sac I have ever lived on has seen something like this. While Chris was barbecuing in the backyard, I took my normal perch upon the couch, glancing into the street every so often. I then was startled and excited about yelling and cussing that came from a house in the middle of the cul-de-sac. Chris quickly came in and wanted to know the information I had gathered from the short spurts of yelling. He said, “Let’s go in the bedroom where we can hear better.” We quickly moved to the bedroom and quietly opened the window, blinds drawn partially.

I gathered, in my experience with soap operas, that it must be some sort of Jerry Springer scene with the three characters: baby’s daddy, baby’s momma and current boyfriend/husband.

After the yelling subsided a little and dinner was on the table, we decided to turn off the entertainment and eat. As soon as we sit down, we see one police car…two police car…three police cars stroll by the house and park in front. We grabbed our plates and forks and headed to the bedroom where we were perched on the window, downing our meat and potatoes, watching the neighbors raise their hands in the air and the cops approach them.

Unfortunately by dessert, no police had made arrests and things seemed to be calming down. It was a live viewing of “COPS.” What a fun night in our Roseburg cul-de-sac.


One tip to fit in:Camo
March 29, 2010, 5:35 pm
Filed under: 1

Like Birkenstocks are to Eugene, SUV’s are to Beaverton and the latest indie trend is to Portland — if you want to fit in here, wear camo.

Chris and I went out to Red Robin the other night and as I looked around, all I saw was camo. We had three booths in my eye vision behind us, and including my husbands logging, camo hat, the other men sitting in each booth were adorning some kind of camo hat as well.

Leaving the restaurant, I picked up on a number of camo shirts, jackets and hats.

I won’t be trying this hard to fit in.

Roseburg’s Recipe: Beer Butt Chicken
March 23, 2010, 4:02 pm
Filed under: 1

Yummmmy! Here is what you do:

Get whole chicken (5-7 lbs) washed and ready

Preheat BBQ to medium heat/300 degrees

Season the outside of chicken with seasonings of choice

Drink half of your cheap beer of choice

With the remaining half, add seasonings to the can of beer (garlic, salt, pepper, etc…)

Place the beer can standing up on the grill

Put the can up the chickens butt so that the chicken is standing up straight

Close lid, and grill for 1 hour and 20 min-1 hr and 3o min, until chicken reaches 180 degrees F

Sign at the Entrance of House
March 23, 2010, 3:56 pm
Filed under: 1


Redneck Farm Kid Letter from Marine Corps
March 16, 2010, 8:54 pm
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Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well.  Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things.  No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.

Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there’s warm water.  Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food,  plus yours,  holds you until noon when you get fed again. It’s no wonder these city boys can’t walk much.

We go on ‘route marches,’ which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us.  If he thinks so, it’s not my place to tell him different.  A ‘route march’ is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

The sergeant is like a school teacher.  He nags a lot.  The Captain is like the school board.  Majors and Colonels just ride around and frown. They don’t bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing.  I keep getting medals for shooting.   I don’t know why.  The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don’t move, and it ain’t shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home.  All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it.  You don’t even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training.  You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy.  It ain’t like trying to castrate them young bulls at home.  I’m about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake . I only beat him once.  He joined up the same time as me, but I’m only 5’6′ and 130 pounds and he’s 6′ 6″ and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,


Spelling Lesson
March 1, 2010, 9:12 pm
Filed under: 1

Come on… “Trailer” and “Sale” are like the most popular words in Roseburg!

Roseburg Police & Fire Log
February 23, 2010, 6:29 pm
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Here is a little taste of Roseburg and the surrounding areas…

9:11 a.m. — Missing trailer on the 2600 block of Frontage Road.

2:50 p.m. — Sign on fire at the Greyhound Station, 835 S.E. Stephens St. Sign falling down, flames up against building.

1:03 p.m. —Theft of gravel on 1200 block of Oakwood Drive, Oakland. It was scraped up and used on another property.

10:40 a.m. — Large flower pots taken on 100 block of N.E. Umpqua St.

8:33 a.m. — Theft of mailbox on 600 block of Tunnel Road, Glendale.

10:02 a.m. — Flathead trailer stolen from residence at the intersection of Lane Avenue and Date Street, Drain.

1600 Officer Allen cited Stroud Eugene Ashley, 66, for Drinking in Public at 1333 Harvard.

2000 Officer Allen cited Dennis Wade Eriksson, 67, for Drinking in Public in the 1600 block of Harvard.

7:24 p.m. — A woman entered businesses in the 1350 block of Stephens and reportedly began talking about killing people and babies.

11:23 p.m. — Fire in the trash can in front of a church in the 1000 block of Cass Avenue in Roseburg.

4 p.m. — Two horses running loose in the road way at Del Rio Road and Hestness Landing Park.

3:20 a.m. — Woman pulled out a dumpster at 1000 N.E. Stephens Street and is throwing garbage around and talking to herself.

Courtesy of The News-Review and The Roseburg Police Dept. Activity Log